January 9th
by houseisamazing
Summary: It's another year that Johanna Beckett is dead and another year that Kate goes to visit her. This time,though, it's a little different. "In that moment, she couldn't believe that they were here. They were doing this. She let him in and she had no regrets"


**A/N:** **Hi guys! This is my second story! I hope you like it! I've been doing a lot more writing lately! Well, ENJOY! :)**

**Disclaimer: I WISH I owned Castle... :(**

* * *

**January 8th:**

Kate Beckett was dreading tomorrow.

Today was like any other day, though; another case, more paperwork, same old Castle.

Lately, things had begun to change between them. She wasn't stupid. She could tell that things were changing. Her emotions definitely were. Ever since the _I love you_, Kate's emotions had been going crazy. Any time Castle was around, she'd get butterflies in her stomach.

_What is this? High School?_ She thought to herself.

She would never admit it. No, she'd never admit it to anyone, but she really liked the feeling. It made her feel like she belonged, she was safe: loved. Yet, she was so messed up mentally, emotionally, everything. She could never be what he wanted….right?

Plus, she still had her mom's murder to solve. Every day she thought about her mother and every day her mother's murder hung over Kate's head. It changed her. Everyone could see it. She was a completely different person from that day on. Castle would never like this person she'd become. She was just so….damaged. And her mom; she couldn't let go of her because that would mean forgetting her. Could she move on, start a life, and still be happy?

Kate asked herself that question every day.

"Beckett, you ready to go?" Castle asked.

Wow. It was 6 o'clock already and all of her paperwork was finished. She really must have been out of it because Kate could even remember signing one page of her paperwork.

"Yeah," she responded. "I'll drive you home."

As soon as they got in the car, Kate felt the change in emotions; Castle's emotions to be exact. He seemed….upset or maybe, scared?

"Castle, you ok?"

"Um, yeah. I'm fine." Castle responded with a fake smile.

"No, you're not. I can tell. What's wrong?" Kate asked, almost scared of what his answer would be. She, herself, was starting to worry.

"Can I ask you something?"

Kate froze. What could he possible want to ask her? "Did you hear me tell you that I love you?" No. Kate wasn't ready for this conversation. Not yet. Not here. Not now. Especially with how emotional she's been lately. Doesn't he know that tomorrow is the anniversary of her mom's-?

"Kate?"

"Oh, um, yeah Castle. Go ahead." Kate said, reluctantly. She wasn't ready for this.

"Tomorrow is the 13th anniversary of your mom's death. I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now and how you'll feel tomorrow, but I'd like to. How do you do it? How do you handle it? I've never lost someone that close to me before." Castle rushed the words out, putting his head down after he was finished, as if he was ashamed that he'd asked.

"It's…hard."" Was all Kate could muster.

She couldn't get emotional in front of him. She was supposed to be Detective Katherine Beckett. She was supposed to be the strongest woman in the world.

Every year she would go to her mom's grave and tell her everything that had happened in the past year. She would bring her flowers, cry, and laugh with her. Kate almost spent the whole day there once just telling her mom funny stories about Castle and the team.

"Can I….Can I do anything?" Castle asked with a nervous tone.

He really was trying to help her. He just wanted to be there for her. That meant a lot more than anyone could have ever guessed. He was just trying to understand so that he knew what to do to make her feel better.

Kate had no idea what to say. No one had ever been this close to her before. She never let anyone in; except him. To be honest, she didn't even know what he could do. She'd been alone for so long that she just got used to it.

"I just.. I don't want you to be alone tomorrow Kate. I know you need time with your mom and I know that you want to be alone and shut everyone out, but I won't let you. I want to be there. I want to be your shoulder to cry on." Castle tried to explain.

"Castle… I… I take off once a year for this. You know that. I just… I need this day to myself. One day. Please?" Kate found herself begging.

She knew that he was just trying to help. He was just trying to be there for her. Truthfully, she was scared. She was scared about how he'd react to her. Tomorrow she'd go to the grave and she'd be sad and she'd cry and… how would he take that? Would he leave her because he realized that she wasn't as strong as she appeared?

"Just.. Call me tomorrow morning, ok? Just so I know how you're doing?" Castle sighed.

"Ok. I will."

"Thank you. Goodnight, Detective." Castle said as she pulled up to the curb of his loft.

"Castle?" Kate spoke.

"Yeah?" He stuck his head back in to the car.

"Thank you."

"Always."

* * *

**January 9th:**

No alarm. No rushing to get to work. No morning routine.

As she opened her eyes, everything came rushing back into Kate's head. She had to call Castle and she would. She promised. In a little bit, but there was just so much to do.

Getting ready for the day, Kate got up and made herself pancakes; her mother's recipe of course. She always loved her mom's pancakes, especially with whipped cream. Every anniversary Kate would make them and every anniversary they would bring back some of the good memories.

Once she finished her pancakes, it was time to plan her trip to the grave. She would have to go to the florist and get some of her mom's favorite flowers and, maybe, a card.

_Let me just call Castle, quick._ She thought to herself before leaving the house.

"Hi. How are you?" Castle answered on the first ring. He must have been waiting next to the phone just for her call.

"I'm going to the grave now. I just wanted to let you know." Kate responded.

"Ok. Kate, if you need anything and I mean anything, just let me know. Whatever you need, I'm here."

He was so sincere. She couldn't believe it. He'd drop everything if she said so. Before she could stop herself, the next set of words flew right out of Kate's mouth.

"Would you like to come? I think it's about time that you meet my mom."

_What? Did I just ask him to come with me? Why would I do that? Oh, right, because I love him. Wait a minute where did that come from? I don't- _her thoughts were interrupted by Castle's response.

"Kate, are you sure? You said you needed space yesterday and I'm willing to give you that. You don't have to bring me to meet your mom out of pity."

He was shocked. She just completely opened up to him and if he went with her…. Well, that would be a whole new step for them.

"I'm sure, Rick. Honestly, I could use the support. I want you to meet her."

"I'll be there in 20." Responded Castle.

And then the phone went dead. This was a whole new, huge step that they were taking. Kate knew that, but they were taking it together. She was ready for this.

Exactly 20 minutes later, a knock was heard on the door. Grabbing her keys, Kate opened the door and locked it behind her.

"Ready to go?" she asked Castle.

"Absolutely."

"Alright, I have to stop at the florist first."

"Whatever you want. Lead the way. Oh and thank you. Ya know, for this…" Castle said.

"Castle, there's nothing to thank me for. If anything, I should be thanking you for being so supportive the last couple of days. It really means a lot to me." Kate responded.

"Anything for you, you know that." Said Castle with a smile, placing his hand on the small of her back.

"Let's go."

When they arrived at the cemetery, flowers in hand, Castle had no idea what to expect. He was ready for anything, though. That was his job. All he had to do was be there for Kate.

It was a simple headstone, gray, with flowers all around it; just reading Johanna Beckett. Simple.

"Hi, mom." said Kate, shaking Castle from his reverie. "I know it's been a while. I'm sorry. It's just... every time I wanted to come and see you, something got in the way. I know that's no excuse, but... I brought someone with me this time. Mom, this is Richard Castle, the one I was telling you about."

Kate tried her best to smile as she turned to Castle, silently giving him permission to introduce himself.

"Mrs. Beckett.. I... Your daughter is, well, extraordinary. You'd be so proud of her."

Kate just stared at him in shock. Just another reason why she was so in love with this man. That brought tears to her eyes, happy tears. In that moment, she couldn't believe that they were here. They were doing this. She let him in and she had no regrets. Kate wanted it to be this way for the rest of her life.

And so they sat there and talked for hours. Both of them told Johanna stories of how Castle got them into sticky situations or how they had been kidnapped multiple times. It felt...good. It felt like Kate didn't have to worry about anything anymore.

Before they knew it, darkness fell on the cemetery, but neither of them wanted to leave.

"I love you, mom." Kate said reluctantly, getting up to leave. Kissing her fingers and putting them softly on Johanna's headstone, she started to make her way back to the car with Castle close behind.

"Hold on, Kate!" Castle called running back to Joanna's gravestone.

He whispered something that Kate couldn't quite make out and then ran to catch up with her.

* * *

Back at Castle's loft, he and Kate were sitting on the couch enjoying some wine and mulling over their day.

"Thank you for letting me come with you today, Kate. It really meant a lot to me." Castle confessed.

"I thought it was about time, Rick. Ya know, I've been fighting this for a while. I never wanted anyone to get close and I definitely never wanted to spend this day with anyone. You, though? You're different. You broke down those walls and you're here for me every step of the way. I don't know how you do it. I'm... I'm so messed up."

"Kate." Castle explained. "You may have your baggage, but everyone does. We're all messed up. You? You're extraordinary."

"Thank you, Rick. Hey, why did you run back to my mom's grave when we were leaving?" Kate asked.

"No reason." Castle said, innocently.

"There was a reason. You whispered something to her. What did you say?"

"Kate. I don't think... Well. I don't know. I'll tell you. I promise. Just not tonight, ok?" Castle begged.

"No, Castle. Please? I'm sure I can handle it. Tell me what you told my mother."

"Ka-"

"Now, Rick." Kate demanded.

"I told her that I love her daughter and I'll do whatever it takes to protect her for the rest of my life."

She couldn't form words. She couldn't speak. Everything she'd ever wanted was right there in front of her. He just said that he loved her.

"I told you, Kate. Look, I understand that you don't feel the same way and I'm willing to wait. Even if you don't want me to wait, I'm going to. I'll wait until you're ready. If you're never ready, well, I'll still be there for you whenever you need me."

"Rick, I-"

"No, Kate, you don't have to say anything. I understand." Castle said, sadness in his eyes.

"Rick. Who said I didn't feel the same way?" Kate asked.

"No, I under- What?"

"Rick... I... I do feel the same way."

"You...You love me?"

Rick couldn't believe what he was hearing. Had he heard her right? Did she just say what he thought she said?

"I love you." Kate confessed.

"I love you, too." Rick responded with the biggest grin Kate had ever seen.

"I'm glad we've reached an agreement then." Kate said, giggling.

"Did Kate Beckett just giggle?" Castle asked, laughing.

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't. What are you gonna do about it, Writer Boy?" Kate taunted.

He just grabbed her and kissed her.

For the first time in her life, Kate felt like she found everything she was looking for. Yes, it would take time. Yes, there would be fights, but they would always make it through. They said always, right?


End file.
